Monday, October 4

more than a feeling

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Did you know there's a whole lotta learning that can go on when you are in an absolute state of death-becomes-her?  I was not aware, but lo and behold-- there it is, one of the many bits of information I acquired in the past week.

Perhaps it is only when my small, closed mind that thinks it is oh-so-freaking-smart has been bashed like a soft cantaloupe that new ideas and concepts can find their way in.  Perhaps we only get the lessons we need when we are going through the hard stuff.
Either way, progress has been made.
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Things I have learned in the past week:
1.  Things always feel worse when you are tired (<--doh!)
2.  I can be way too hard on myself (see above).
3.  Learning to receive is an art form unto itself (and requires daily practice).
4.  You can only receive to the depth that you love yourself (<--- damn, who made THAT sucky rule?)
5.  Saying no, can be a way of saying yes to yourself. (I think I knew that one, but hell if I didn't forget it).
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And, if you are intent on holding to bad practices, sometimes your body will just jump in and administer the lesson itself.  Case in point:  yesterday, darling girl Natalie (daughter of my dear friend) came over to help me clean out the guff post-Squam, sort, organize, store--what have you.  As we finished loading up the car to head to the dump, I glanced in the side window of the car and was thinking "are you seriously going out into the world wearing those craptastic jeans, a t-shirt covered in muck, your unbrushed, wild hair in a pathetic pony tail and your face unwashed?"

Being distracted by that thought precisely as I yanked open the door to the driver's seat to get into the car--- I slammed the corner of the door into my skull.

As I crumpled to the earth, keening, I clearly heard the calm satisfaction of the voice inside my head say, "are we done with the self-loathing inner dialogue?"  Holy god.  Uncle.  Uncle.  Seriously.  A cadbury-sized egg on the side of my head with a pretty fancy bloody gash.

Do you know how CLEVER you have to be to actually whack yourself in the head with a door that reaches your shoulder?

God, I am clever.  And I heard the message loud and clear.  Enough.  Am done.
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DAISY:  Let's find the pink unicorn!  I know it's here somewhere--

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Bisous, E

8 comments:

  1. RE: Item 2

    Girl, I - and no doubt lots of other people - could have told you that a long time ago. I'm glad you finally caught on. Now keep that lesson in you bumpy head.

    - Jazz

    PS: As someone who one day walked through a restaurant's plate glass door - literally and ouch - I'm impressed with your rendez-vous with the car door. I couldn't have done better myself.

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  2. how you keep your sense of humor with a headbash like that is impressive. now, to bed!

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  3. you, who are so loved by others.

    thank you for the reminder. i keep forgetting too.

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  4. yes! things are always worse when you are tired. now, off in search of pink unicorns!!! happy monday.

    xo

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  5. It is always good to be reminded - but ouch. Thanks for reminding me too...x x (hope you have some arnica to hand)

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  6. i will use your lesson as a caution! it would be so nice if you could see yourself through other people's eyes...beauty beauty only beauty. and i BET you right now you're thinking "only the ones that don't know me well." ahh such crap we feed ourselves, eh? i don't elect queens lightly, and i'm usually right, so....
    xox Linda E

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  7. Wow, number 5! Number friggin' 5. Must remember that one. And ouch. I feel that I may have done that one myself, only way less dramatic!

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  8. Geez Elizabeth. I sure hope your head is okay. Didn't you just bash your head not so long ago? Some incident with a toilet seat? I hope it heals quickly, and I hope you had a wonderful Monday. Don't be so hard on yourself, and for goodness sake WATCH THE HEAD!

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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e