Monday, January 24

a public service announcement

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Consider the below my very own helpful tips to people posting apartment rentals on craigslist:

1. Try to refrain from offering a “viewing”. It’s a showing (unless of course, you intend to have a dead body on hand, in which case—I stand corrected).

2. Although you do want to grab a prospective tenant’s attention with your headline— it’s probably best not to advertise that “three of the carpets are very clean!” or “it’s a pretty safe neighborhood”

3. If it’s next to a park and has a fenced in yard, but you don’t allow dogs? It’s possible we’ll never be friends.

4. Please don’t post the SAME apartment on the SAME day over and over again but with different headlines or I might have to come and hit you repeatedly over the head with my laptop (which is made of titanium) and then kick you.

5. Do not lure me in by posting EAST SIDE on your headline only to clarify in the description that it is an “easy 10 minute drive” to the East Side. If you insist on this behavior— don’t be surprised when I pour black paint all over your lap.

6. Words like “spacious” and “charming” convey certain attributes. Please refrain from using them if you do not understand their definition. (NOTE: cheap 70s wall paneling has no charm, ever— to anyone).

7. Announcing that “don’t worry, this apartment is CLEAN” may put people off, I’m just saying.

8. “I will not scam you!” Um, please see above.

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In other news, I live a rather quiet life. Case in point: last night my sister calls and we're chatting and she asks, "so how's your social life?"

Um, you know, besides my virtual on-line existence? Well-- there's me, the two dogs, Needy & Spoiled-- and, yeah. It's a rocking scene over here at the MV Studio.

But, maybe I'll be in Boston this weekend? I have stopped making true plans due to the fickle nature of Lady Weatherbee-- but it's possible. I can't say I have cabin fever-- but perhaps a slight case of will-I-ever-wear-a-bikini-again?

Not that I would wear a bikini in Boston-- but, you know, Key West?

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Bisous, E

8 comments:

  1. Ha- this cracked me up. It is so true, and I remember feeling all of this when searching for an apartment in Providence. We need to invent an "honest" Craigslist system- no bullshit allowed.

    By the way, I say F*#% it, wear that bikini in Boston. Frostbite is the new black.

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  2. haha! Christine's comment cracked me up and I wasn't done laughing at your post :)

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  3. you are so hysterical! These are all fabulous. I love and miss you. xoxoxoxo

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  4. scamp (aka Shirley)January 25, 2011 at 5:10 AM

    Thanks for the chuckle this morning. I don't see the point of Craigslist categories--I don't think I've ever seen one that rang true!
    I know you're tired of snow, but this Texas girl sure enjoyed crunching around in it in NYC...

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  5. The question as to whether I will ever wear a bikini again is a resounding "NO!" and it has nothing to do with the weather . . . .

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  6. I hope this comment works I'm having to do it anonymously and on a different browser from usual...

    Caroline

    http://caroslines.blogspot.com/ (much neglected but at least it stops me being quite so anonymous!)

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/caroslines/ (more frequented but as my current project is to take a photo every day that relates to the night before's dreams something of an odd collection of images!)

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  7. Ha ha - well it posted a bit but got rid of everything I'd written before the "I hope this comment works"!!

    One last go...

    Hello! I'm new here having been lured over by your giveaway...

    but having trouble getting comments to work...

    so just read down your blog this far and felt I should defend those who use "viewing" for what you call "showing" - here in England, UK we always go to view houses... but then we don't tend to view bodies so maybe that's part of the difference. I do so love cultural differences!

    Fingers crossed that this will post this time...

    Caroline

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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e