Thursday, March 24

all the same and more of the same and then some sameness on top

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It is morning, but outside my window the world is dark and gray.  Snow falls steadily, again.  After a bit of a reprieve last weekend, we got another 8 inches on Monday and Tuesday, more today.


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What are you gonna do, but stick your face in it, right? 

I'm not so much blue as flat.  There's a weariness that sets in after awhile-- a smothering of volition, intention, inspiration.  I try to stay away from people cause I am a big fat BORE with truly nothing new or interesting to share, because hello-- the Eskimos might have 3,000+ words for snow, but I've only got the one.

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And sure, I could bore you with details of my inner life, but that too is as quiet and still as a pond in the woods.  Honestly, the most excitement I have had this week was when I bought a blender and made my first smoothie of the season-- yes!  I know!  This is my point.

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the sugar shack

All around me there is loads of activity and creative endeavor as here on the farm, three hundred sap buckets dot the trees and a full-on sugaring process is underway. 


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I like to think that someday I'll look back at this time, this precise time in my life, with fat snowflakes falling thickly outside my window, my heart and spirit suffocated by the downy white-- and see it all so differently.  (You know, from the porch of my beach shack while I gaze across the white sand to the turquoise ocean-- my skin soaking in the warmth and sunlight. . ) but right now, it seems like such a colassal waste of life energy to wrestle with this weather.  So much work just to carve out a life when life is hard enough on its own.

But deep underground wheels are turning and my journey south has begun.  These long years in the white mountains will soon be a thing of the past and I guess there's a certain comfort to being so fully, emotionally ready for the change-- it helps to have a certain kind of closure, I guess.

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And now for a little Flickr testing-- can you see the photo above?

Bisous, E

9 comments:

  1. there's something really amazing you've touched on that does come out of such winters, I think. it stretches us right to our limits and beyond - both the physical drudgery of just *walking around* out there...and sometimes more importantly - internally and emotionally just *getting through* a day. It sounds as though it's all getting you right good and ready for this next good and bright and light part of the journey to begin...
    Cheers to March. ;)
    xo

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  2. Yes I can see that oh so serious face.. so cute.. love the pups, everytime I see their pics I want to reach out and give them a scratch under the chin.
    We have snow here again here today...I am so ready for Spring and some steady sun!

    hugs
    Karen (deldino)

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  3. As the snow falls in Montreal (again!) I hear you loud and clear. I feel as if I'm in some sort of twilight zoney place where spring and summer have disappeared and we're right back into November. I just have nothing left to push through to the other side. I'm too old for this shit. And being in Canada, the best I can do for warmth is going to live in Vancouver where it rains 300 days out of the year. *le sigh*

    - Jazz

    PS: Sorry for dumping.

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  4. The snow has finally stopped here in Minneapolis too. We accumulated another 4-8 inches just as we were starting to see grass and tiny shoots of Crocus and Daffodils. Big SIGH.
    This winter has been hard. I too seem to have lost my lust for anything other than what is necessary to get me through a day. However, with March ending and Spring waiting on the doorstep life and creativity are quietly waiting too.
    This seasonal transition seems analogous to your current life transition. Lots of hibernating, ruminating, planning going on and lots of eagerness to take the next step. Like the plants, waiting to emerge from beneath the frozen earth and snow, we too must be patient, for all life takes place exactly when it's suppose to.

    Bridgemor

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  5. I can see it! Also? Been reading about sugar & maple festivals in Yankee mag. Totally intriguing. Would you like to see what spring time in NJ looks like today?
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/cirovic/5556612764/

    Happy Day to you, sweet thing. xo

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  6. I think this winter has been a test for many of us. Hang in there - a few springish days have arrived in southern CT. I'm sure NH is just a breath away.

    I love your words "So Much Work just to Carve out a life when life is hard enough on it's own." It perfectly expresses my exact emotions lately. Thank you for them. It helps to know I'm not the only one thinking such things.

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  7. you know i think it's just this past week -- it's weird for me how this year i made it through jan and feb relatively melancholy free and i thought for the first year in many i'd make it out of march but it wasn't to be -- i had my slump late last week and into early this week but have already started coming around and looking forward to april fool's day -- i bet there's a reason it's called that -- now gonna go see what the reason is...xo

    oh yeah, and get over my fear of committing to squam (halfway there) and make my final payment for fall this w/e...

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  8. I can see it. Those adorable doggities. Your photos amaze me. For all that snow, it sure is SUNNY round those parts! You've got inner sunshine glowing somewhere, I just know it :) This has been a weird week. A weird month.

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  9. Elizabeth,

    Oh, my how I have missed your words! I have caught up with all of your adventures, through snow and San Francisco, through your give-aways, and you sharing parts of your wonderful transformation into the real "you." I love your food-weirdness--I have them too, and it is so funny! I always have been so embarrassed by them, to hear so many others have them too...it makes me feel a bit more normal. My heart aches for that lonely soul who emailed you. It is easy to read about people who seem to have it all and feel like you are lacking. That is why I have missed writing so much. Writing makes you notice your own life and all it has to offer. And this blogging thing helps me stay connected not only with all of the truly brilliant people out there, but with myself. When I read about how you are manifesting, it makes me think about my own journey. So many of the people I read make me a better person--just by looking at different perspectives. I sure hope that your reader finds some way to connect. The print that you gave away is gorgeous. I may have to go buy one too. Its beauty would be the win.

    One more thing: I don't care WHAT you write about. You make MUD seem beautiful and exciting. It doesn't matter if it is more of the same to me. I just like to hear from you. I have missed you so much! xo

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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e