I found an old blue bench today—paint chipped and weather worn—it was a thing of beauty. Alas, not mine for the taking as it belongs to the farm— but I stole some snapshots to share.
Oh Easter— yes, you are the season of rebirth, regeneration and renewal— you are also (for me anyway)— raw. Raw. Wrenching.
Each of the most significant and traumatic experiences in my life happened on this very day— or sometime during/around Easter weekend— isn’t that wild?
Every. single. one.
(Which, admittedly, I must give kudos to my karmic project manager for such exceptional marksmanship.)
But that was then, this is now.
Isn’t it funny how music will save us? This is the song I listened to over and over and over today. Each time the lyrics sinking more deeply into my heart.
That was then, this is now
Found my way back here somehow
Knew you’d have to let me go
Told you once, I told you so
Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can’t hold what’s within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I’m not going
I will not be broken
I will not be
Someone other than who I am
I will fight to make my stand
Cause what is living if I can’t live free
What is freedom if I can’t be me?
The song was playing was on a mix-cd that Jen Gray made for me. Lucky, lucky, most blessedly lucky me. I can’t begin to tell you how lucky I am for the friends and care that I receive as a result of this blog and Squam.
As I look about this office, on every wall and on every shelf are the gifts, paintings, cards, letters, photographs, stones and tokens— so many, many beautiful treasures that have been sent to me with love— from people who read this blog, from people who have attended SAW. I have them all around me in plain sight because they help me gain strength and clarity every day— this weekend most of all.
And so, Easter might have a powerful hold over my past—but that was then and this is now.
Time to splash in for a baptismal—
wash away the old—shake off the demons and remember that we all get to write our own fairy tale.
All of us, we do.