Thursday, May 19

guess some rain's gotta fall

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The apple trees have pink and white blossoms-- probably one of my most favorite things in the world-- apple blossoms. Pure loveliness.

I haven't taken any photos of them because we have had nothing but rain for days on end which as per usual put me out of internet for three days in a row-- and, quite honestly, the news from Lake Woebegone only gets less wonderful from that starting point so I have avoided coming in here because this is not my venue for bitching and moaning-- but then, as my darling ex-husband* just spent nearly two hours in phone conversation to remind me, I have a pretty lethal tendency to internalize all feelings.

It's a trust issue.

And yes, I'm working on it.

So hey!-- in the interest of externalizing all my emotions-- I have been really sick. Really sick, for a fairly long while-- since February, anyway. It's one of those mystery illnesses that seems to defy diagnosis. The doctor thinks maybe it was mono? The acupuncturist says spleen and anemia. The massage therapist suggested it was parasites-- (wow, let me rush and share THAT with the internet). All I know is I am sick and if there is anything I hate more than being sick, I honestly don't know what it is-- I fight it tooth and nail and live a daily life all about staying healthy so it feels like a double whammy-- insult to injury and all that.

But hey. Whatever. It's what's going on with me. I'll get through it and with any luck, won't drag you all with me-- instead I am going to send you up to my "l.o.v.e" link list as I just refreshed it with some new stuff.

My hope is that !-->you<--! are feeling GOOD-- like REALLY good. And if you are? Send me some of that vibrant, energized mojo, okay?

Bisous, E

*I know, what can I say? We're great friends.

14 comments:

  1. sending you lots of good mojo!!! xoxo

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  2. Sending love, light, and the juiciest, most positive healing sparkles of OM & good health your way.
    The podcast double reminded me why I gift myself a week away every year. Good stuff, girl.

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  3. ((((((Elizabeth)))))),

    [quote]
    I have avoided coming in here because this is not my venue for bitching and moaning.
    [/quote]

    Why the heck not ... ?? ... aren't you trying to get to a more REAL place in your life ... a place where YOUR feelings count ... ???

    Elizabeth, I see a lot of ME in YOU ... even though that's scientifically impossible :GRIN: I left my EX in 1979 ... on my way to divorce in 1981. I left because I was in therapy and was just getting to the "tough stuff" regarding my relationships. I left because we had a violent, vicious, drug-dealing man and his family renting the first floor in our two-family home ... I just couldn't stand the constant police presence and the violence and the anger ... and the drug dealing ... on top of the therapy. I took our son and left my husband ... I took a month-to-month rental. I asked hubby to move in with me. I wanted to get away from the stress and violence. He didn't want to move (the dump I rented reminded him of his childhood home). So we went from there ... to divorce.

    [quote]
    but then, as my darling ex-husband* just spent nearly two hours in phone conversation to remind me, I have a pretty lethal tendency to internalize all feelings. (*I know, what can I say? We're great friends.)
    [/quote]

    Like you, I had continued contact with my EX. My son's therapist asked me what the heck I was doing ... I was sending the EX mixed messages.

    I have the same question for you ... what the heck are you doing?? Why are you spending two hours talking to a man that you're divorcing?? Why are you calling him when you get to a bad place in your head?? He might be the most wonderful man in the world. I think he's pretty great ... but, I don't know him the way that you do. But, Elizabeth, you're DIVORCING the guy. He's not your therapist. You can pay somebody to be your therapist. But, you shouldn't be dancing in and out of his life when your head gets confused. It's not fair to him and it's confusing to your heart.

    I came to your other blog about a year before you ended it ... I didn't know all your history. So ... I went back to the beginning and read the whole thing. You should do that, too.

    What *I* saw was: you were happy. And ALL your dogs were too.

    What I see now is you've picked up a neighbor's dog and kids to fill in some of your life ... and you've created a new blog (this one) where you take gorgeous pictures ... BUT, you're not happy and you're not REAL.

    Elizabeth, I've been through this. A divorce because I need SOMETHING to change in my life. A major upheaval in my life because SOMETHING wasn't right. A realization at a certain point ... and a certain age (probably about the same age that you are now) ... that there needed to be changes (BIG changes) in my life.

    I regret very much that I divorced my EX. I saw the damage that it did to him and to our son and to my step-daughter and my step-son ... and to me. I regret that I didn't put the effort into fixing my life while staying in the relationship ... I understand that I couldn't have stayed ... I don't know ... destiny, maybe ... and my EX didn't see what I was craving to find. But, I still regret it.

    I think you were wrong to leave your *. But, that's just me looking in from the outside without all the information.

    I *DO KNOW* that you have to be REAL ... with yourself ... with the words that come out of your mouth ... in real-life ... in a blog. You have to start telling yourself the truth.

    You weren't put on this planet to please all the people that you know only though the internet.

    You've got to start being REAL ... facing what *YOU* really want ... without pretty-fying it for the internet ... facing whether or not you want a divorce. You've got some big-time thinking to do.

    This might help: http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html

    Hugs. I hope you feel better.

    Barb

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  4. Dear Barb,

    Although I can understand how my words or actions might trigger memories of your own experiences and therefore give you the impression that we are traveling similar paths-- I assure you, you are deeply mistaken on the most important details of my life in your note above. And, you and I could not be more different-- as I would never write such ill-informed, judgemental and critical words on anyone's website, ever. In all my experience of blogging, I have never received a comment such as this one. I have been extremely conscious of what kinds of posts tend to attract such criticism and "advice" and I avoid those tracks since I am in no need of criticism or "advice." Although I have no doubt your energies come from a desire to help me, I assure you, they are misplaced. To clarify: 1. I am divorced and have been since last summer. 2. I did not call my ex-husband. We have one of the most open and honest relationships imaginable and care deeply for one another. There is no confusion for us about any kind of romantic involvement. 3. If you knew me at all, you would understand that not bitching and moaning is me, keeping it real. That is who I am on or off the page. My sharing my resistance to sharing is me, keeping it real. 4. If you don't appreciate my perspective on the world and how I share it, I encourage you to visit other blogs where there is better resonance for you.

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  5. Elizabeth,
    I hope you know you are the last person that needs to explain yourself to this most disgruntled, unhappy person.

    Shake that nonsense off, hey!

    I am sending you muchas mojo, The sunshine would be on it's way too, if we had it. It's raining.

    I hope you figure out what's ailing you.

    Lots of hugs (((((()))))) and xxxxx

    Bridgemor

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  6. Wow. I'd call that a hijacking! Light and levity from my neck of the woods to yours. And I say poo to rain on the blossoms. I've been taking pictures of them anyway :)

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  7. Darling girl! I don't comment nearly enough, but I read every single post and am rooting for you every day. You are an awesome force of strength and fabulousness, I do admire you so. So glad spring is finally releasing you from the snowy depths! I'm sending you a big mug of healthy mojo. (There may also be some Jack Daniels in it :). Love you, girlie. ~Paige

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  8. Hey there BP,

    If that's what you call 'getting REAL', please don't go there. Reality is a handy tool for those who are without imagination - but it's highly overrated. :)

    Shake it off. You are young, and beautiful, and free. And loved. Don't you forget it.

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  9. Once I was going on a very long trip, which started with a very long airplane ride. While I was so eager for my adventure, I was also sad and nervous about going. When I arrived at the airport, it was cloudy and gloomy, perfectly matching my somber mood. But, after a few minutes in the air, I noticed the dark gray clouds were below me and I was flying through the most beautiful blue sky. The day was dark for all the people on the ground but brilliant and bright for me. The clouds hadn't moved...my vantage point had.

    Get well soon and enjoy the view from above!

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  10. Elizabeth, how I do love you. Your answer above was perfect.

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  11. I am so sorry you have been sick. I am sending you all the good mojo I can muster. I am also so glad that you answered above. You are spot on. I kept reading that comment and shaking my head, and talking out loud to the screen. Wow. I hope you don't let that comment affect how you write. You are always touching my heart by how "real" you are. You change lives. Let the rest of us tell you what is perceived and let that one go... Sending you love and hugs and wellness...xo

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  12. Hey E... I am keeping you in my thoughts as you recover and regain your health. Have you tried an anti-inflammatory diet? I have had joint pain and along with my copd a holistic health person I have been working with suggested anti-inflammatory diet saying inflammation can be the cause of so many ailments. I love that you share here what your are going through, it's your story and not only does it help others not feel alone it also can serve as a way for you to express yourself..

    big love
    Karen D

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  13. HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com

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  14. THE GREAT POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT
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    ReplyDelete

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e