This was a tough week. I try really hard to live free of stress, but it turns out that I am more susceptible to it than I would like to be. But, this morning, after I hung up the phone following some very frustrating conversations, instead of crawling under the covers and trying to block out the world (which has been the m.o. for most of my life), I grabbed my camera and headed outside.
Sometimes, I find it hard to believe this is part of my life-- that I have a camera, that I take pictures and that I have a place to share them.
Sometimes, I look around at the world, the life I have created and find it hard to believe that it is mine, that I love every bit of it (even the craptastic stuff that makes me want to throw it out the window), that it is exactly what I want.
Last week, I was on the phone with Thea and talking about my 'sacred mornings.' It's odd how they have evolved and I am hoping that it is the one thing I am able to transport down to my new life in Providence.
My sacred mornings.
Back in the day when I lived at Soliden, but still worked the corporate scene-- I would get up early enough to get the dogs out for a walk and then we would all settle together in the living room for about 30 minutes while I drank coffee and scribbled in my notebooks. It was the most magical time of the day. It was the time of day when I believed anything was possible. Those 30 minutes were my whole world.
Last June, when I moved to the farm, I wanted to focus on daily meditation, as well as writing and yoga-- and, to my amazement, I have.
Better still, I have created a habit, a ritual. Part of this is that I never (never ever) schedule any meetings, appointments, phone calls, etc-- in the morning. The wonderful administrative assistant you all conjured up for me? She arrives after 11am. And so, I have carved out sacred time, each and every morning.
It seems, I am a workaholic type personality (I know, you are all so rocked with surprise by this admission)-- if I open the laptop, if I go online, if I answer an email-- I am in and there is no getting me out of it. But, if I stay out of the office and instead, walk the dogs, make coffee, mess about in the studio, sit in my white chair and read, write, meditate--- well, it makes for a very good start to the day. And guess what? All that other work stuff? It is all waiting for me, anyway-- it's not like it has anywhere to go. And, I get it all done-- well, you know, sorta kinda. I get enough done.
I know this post sounds weird. It's cause I am buzzed and typing to you from Providence. Hmm, not sure if I should go ahead and post it and write more coherently in the morning or if I should just scratch this and write something else tomorrow or Sunday -- whenever.
What's weird is I know what began this post-- it was this video that Jeanine sent me this morning:
I feel so grateful. I feel so supported. I feel like you all are helping me toward the sunlight and I wonder, do you even know?
Do you know that you are helping me find my way through?
* Ingrid Michaelson, Everybody