Friday, June 17

a golden haze

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Oh but my head is muddled and my memory card full.

Threading my way through this apartment to find the bathroom in the middle of the night is an exercise in stumbling, stubbing, cursing and kicking.

Walls are bare, boxes are stacked, guff and stuff sit in piles everywhere.

Outside? A much better take on messy-- fields loaded with wildflowers, beach roses spilling over, branches bending under the weight of so much green.

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It would make me happy to be able to really write to you, to capture all that is happening here in my days right now-- all the strange combos of emotions and experiences that seem to be stacking up, one on top of the other like so many planes outside O'Hare-- but, it would require me to focus and I simply can't.

My mind is soft and mushy and it needs to stay that way until a week from today when I wake up in a new home. I need to stay soft and mushy because it's the only way I can function in the face of chaos when I have no energy to sort and organize. I have to give over to the mess and keep stumbling about with a coffee cup in one hand and a bottle of bug spray in the other. Somehow, it will all shift and I will be on the other side of all of this-- and for the time being, I am okay logging it into the memory files under hazy, confusing, mixed-up and out of focus.

Some things will stand out for me all by themselves.

Like the first thing I saw when I came out in the wee hours this morning when letting the dogs out: a single orange poppy had bloomed next to my chair.

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Like my dogs-- who are unsure what is going on but being totally calm and super mellow.
They are my companions on this journey, for sure.

Oh, but they're such my good buds.

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Bisous, E

4 comments:

  1. here's to soft & mushy and coming out on the other side!
    you are wondrous.
    linda

    ReplyDelete
  2. Soft and mushy is good. They will get you where you need to be.

    So glad you have Henry and Daisy. Dogs are such anchors, they help keep one foot in reality when the other foot is in mushy and soft.

    Your photos of the farm are beautiful. I'll miss them. But I do look forward to seeing Providence photos in the future.

    Good luck with your move. I hope everything goes without a hitch.

    Bridgemor

    ReplyDelete
  3. Moving is such a discombobulating experience. There is regret when you are leaving your home, and excitement for making a new one. I will just send you a big, huge hug and call it a day. Can't wait to hear about it when the mushy is done. xo

    ReplyDelete
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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e