Friday, November 11

one tiny leaf

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My grandfather grew up working in a coal mine. He was one of a large brood of kids in the French speaking section of Belgium-- they call it Wallonia and people from there Walloons.

Ha. Walloons.

That is straight up Dr. Seuss, is it not?

Anyway. I think about him often. Though I am not one to have daily contact with my family (oh, hell let's be real-- I can go months without talking to any of my siblings or my parents by phone), we are close in spirit. Very close. And my grandpere came to mind quite strongly yesterday as Lizardek's comment "You have the BEST LIFE" reverberated through my thoughts.

My first response to her joyous exclamation* was, oh great-- thanks. Now everybody is gonna hate me.

Hey. I know that is totally seventh grade-- I am just being honest here. That was my immediate response. Don't celebrate something good because it will incur jealousy, rejection, animosity-- you name it. Something not good.

So I was sitting with this and thinking about it as I moved through my day in, you know, the BEST LIFE. It's been a tough week in many regards. It has been a flipping walk in the park, literally, in other regards. But even in the midst of bureaucratic frustrations, physical limitations, emotional turmoil or technical aggravations, I am never not aware of how fortunate I am. Not ever.

If I had to say why I am deeply in love with my life it is because of the freedom.

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Freedom.

If there is one thing above all others that I need to be alive and well, it is freedom. And I have this-- the greatest blessing of my life. There is not one moment of one hour in one day that I am not fully cognizant of how lucky I am. Not just because my grandfather climbed his way out of that coal mine with a vision of a different life, but because of all my ancestors worked so hard to make a better life for their children. They did.

Most especially my parents.

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I don't come from a family keen on putting attention on yourself, (NOTE: understatement of the year). No doubt quite a few roll in their graves with a big groan every time I post on this public forum. To live a good life is a private matter-- in their world anyway.

But here I am, free to do otherwise.

Thanksgiving is a few weeks off-- but there's no telling what kind of mood I will be in then-- so in this minute I want to stand in the shower of light and say thank you.

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That I can be in this world now with the incredible luxury of following my heart and spend my days seeking beauty and still more beauty because there is no end to the beauty-- it just leads you on and on and on.

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Blessed be, E

*I can presume joyous because I have known Lizardek for years and know that she loves me in all my fully flawed beauty so I knew to the marrow of my bones her words had no sting with them-- she is genuinely happy for me.

10 comments:

  1. yup, it is your freedom that stands out here(to me).
    and it is what i yearn for and i'm happy for you.
    Diane

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  2. I love reading of your life because you know how to live it, how to be present, how to share it.

    You choose to live life in the best way. I love that. I kind of live some of your life vicariously, specially on the grey Belgian days, remembering when my life was like yours, celebrating the bits I can celebrate in my now.

    So no, more celebration of your life over here. No envy, just pure delight when I find you have posted ... even when you post about hating showering, which made me giggle.
    xo

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  3. ok- a comment from another Diane coming your way here....I find the way you've constructed your life of freedom, the parts you share here and the photos you post to be inspiring- something I admire and aspire to rather than envy and must just say thank you! Diane

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  4. You hit the nail on the head. It WAS joyous. Envious, also, because I instinctively understand and understood about the freedom. The best part about your best life? That you share it.

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  5. i agree, that you share your awesome life - the ups and downs is the joyous part of YOU. keep on rockin on sister! xoxo

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  6. I love your life too! But I love mine, even though I am still constructing it, still perfecting it. I am always so grateful for your posts because it gives me something to strive for. You are so brave and have done so much work and have changed your life by putting your loves first. I have difficulty with that. So you are my road map, and I am so happy that I found you!

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  7. Thanks for all you share, after being married for 18 years on the 11th. The last 4 of which has edured major shifts. My husbands Brain surgery at 40 years old changed him so dramatically, i honestly didn't think we were going to make it. The struggle with my own stuff, I have found a level of peace and comfort in my life through meeting you, the magic of squam, and your sharing of you life. Happy for you and finally feeling happy in my life.

    Xoxo

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  8. We should all be so humble and thankful that we live the lives we do. Yes, life has its ups and downs but overall, it's pretty fantastic because we have the choice to make our lives what we want it to be. To find the happiness and peace in the most awful of moments. And reading your blog really changed my life -- I love seeing the beauty of nature through your eyes. It's the first blog I've ever read and will always continue to read.

    --Cupcake

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  9. ohhhhh

    YOU. GUYS. !!!

    you are just too much, seriously-- c'mere so I can give you a squeeze (or a pinch on the butt<--gentle, I promise!!)

    but seriously? LOVE.

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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e