God, I feel good. Damn. And, it's not always this way so I want to record it.
Before I do-- will you hear me if I tell you (and by 'you' I mean YOU) thank you for the love you shower on my head? Thank you. I'll never get over how extraordinary people (and by people, I mean YOU) are-- what with the cards and gifts and emails and most loving comments-- it all means the world to me and I honestly don't know how you do it, but I am to my toes grateful (to YOU)-- so thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and in your heart.
There is something to be said for big rest. Big rest. Deep rest and quiet. Not for you, perhaps-- but most definitely for me. These past three days were exactly what I needed and I think it is often true (for me, anyway) that I don't realize how much I need to settle, to quiet, to rest until I do it.
The first hours are always odd. My auto-pilot seems to be still spinning looking for what it is I am supposed to be doing, doing, doing-- but soon enough it putters to a stop and I can begin to find my breath, my roots, my center.
Am I weird?
Well, I posed that question to Asya when she stopped by last night and she just smiled. "Then I would be weird, too." She said. The terrible need to step off the spinning planet and sort through/process all the levels of the experience: a disease of artists, possibly?
More comfort and joy came from watching this interview with Elizabeth Gilbert. How I adore Elizabeth Gilbert. I could say her name over and over, I love her so much. Why? Her ability to keep it real. I mean look at her in this interview-- no discernible make-up, hair pulled up as if we caught her on an average Tuesday morning-- her earnestness. She wants so much to be in alignment with truth which means she sees and acknowledges ALL the humanness of our messy lives. I don't think there is any celebrity out there I resonate with more than this woman-- probably because she would laugh at the word celebrity. A few of my favorite bits from her interview:
And I vibrate at a slightly higher frequency than is necessarily healthy,
you know, than I always have. I’ve always been kind of anxious. I’ve always been super motive.
I feel things harder than is good for me. Indecision has been part of my life, you know. And I could see, after a certain age, how that was destructive not only to myself but to people around me. And… You know, I just think you get to a point where you don’t want to be in other people’s way. You know, you don’t want to be taking up… You don’t want to be taking up other people’s space and energy to sort of take care of you.
And I longed to be a different kind of person. You know, I longed to be just a little more at ease, a little more relaxed, and a little more wise, you know, because it seems to me that wisdom is the beginning of serenity, you know.
Oh. Is there anything that feels better than having someone speak your truth? It just makes my whole world shine and makes me feel so much less alone. And yes, there is a certain validation that happens when someone acknowledges opinions and behaviors that echo your own. I don't seek alienation. I don't seek to be off in the wilderness. I just often find myself there because in being true to myself, I am all too frequently at odds with the world around me.
Thank you Liz! I would so totally stalk you if I were the kind of person who did that.
Oh, and-- yes, I miss my dogs terribly, but it is good for them to be with Dave and Ollie and running at Soliden and good for me, too. (I pick them up Thursday morning).