Tuesday, December 27

at home

P1200611
17 december 2010

God, I feel good. Damn. And, it's not always this way so I want to record it.

Before I do-- will you hear me if I tell you (and by 'you' I mean YOU) thank you for the love you shower on my head? Thank you. I'll never get over how extraordinary people (and by people, I mean YOU) are-- what with the cards and gifts and emails and most loving comments-- it all means the world to me and I honestly don't know how you do it, but I am to my toes grateful (to YOU)-- so thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and in your heart.

There is something to be said for big rest. Big rest. Deep rest and quiet. Not for you, perhaps-- but most definitely for me. These past three days were exactly what I needed and I think it is often true (for me, anyway) that I don't realize how much I need to settle, to quiet, to rest until I do it.

P1200640
17 december 2010

The first hours are always odd. My auto-pilot seems to be still spinning looking for what it is I am supposed to be doing, doing, doing-- but soon enough it putters to a stop and I can begin to find my breath, my roots, my center.

Am I weird?

Well, I posed that question to Asya when she stopped by last night and she just smiled. "Then I would be weird, too." She said. The terrible need to step off the spinning planet and sort through/process all the levels of the experience: a disease of artists, possibly?

More comfort and joy came from watching this interview with Elizabeth Gilbert. How I adore Elizabeth Gilbert. I could say her name over and over, I love her so much. Why? Her ability to keep it real. I mean look at her in this interview-- no discernible make-up, hair pulled up as if we caught her on an average Tuesday morning-- her earnestness. She wants so much to be in alignment with truth which means she sees and acknowledges ALL the humanness of our messy lives. I don't think there is any celebrity out there I resonate with more than this woman-- probably because she would laugh at the word celebrity. A few of my favorite bits from her interview:

Life is an extremely agitating event, you know.
And I vibrate at a slightly higher frequency than is necessarily healthy,
you know, than I always have. I’ve always been kind of anxious. I’ve always been super motive.
I feel things harder than is good for me. Indecision has been part of my life, you know. And I could see, after a certain age, how that was destructive not only to myself but to people around me. And… You know, I just think you get to a point where you don’t want to be in other people’s way. You know, you don’t want to be taking up… You don’t want to be taking up other people’s space and energy to sort of take care of you.
And I longed to be a different kind of person. You know, I longed to be just a little more at ease, a little more relaxed, and a little more wise, you know, because it seems to me that wisdom is the beginning of serenity, you know.

:: :: ::

This is not to say that I glide to the world now on a sort of cushion of serenity at all times because I am, you know, exactly as capable of anybody else at experiencing road rage and sidewalk rage and customer service representative, putting you on hold rage, and all the other sorts of rages and jealousies and frustrations and self-pity. I mean, all these things are not foreign to me, you know, but I’ve just… I don’t know. It’s like there’s an engine that works within me, now, that much, much, much more efficiently processes all of that. And I… You know, I’m believing now that that’s a direct result of the work that I did for a whole bunch of years, you know, trying to get to that place.

:: :: ::

if there’s a new religion that needs to be founded, it’s a religion about, like, naps. You know, something happens when you take a nap. You go into another state. You know, your pulse goes down. Your blood pressure goes down. It’s a kind of meditation… kind of loose meditation. And I do a lot of it. It seems to help, seems to make me more pleasant for people around me. I would prescribe it to anybody. I think every nation that has any civility incorporates napping into their day in a kind of official way. So… You know, rest, rest. I say no to a lot of things that’s become a kind of active spiritual practice for me.


Oh. Is there anything that feels better than having someone speak your truth? It just makes my whole world shine and makes me feel so much less alone. And yes, there is a certain validation that happens when someone acknowledges opinions and behaviors that echo your own. I don't seek alienation. I don't seek to be off in the wilderness. I just often find myself there because in being true to myself, I am all too frequently at odds with the world around me.

Thank you Liz! I would so totally stalk you if I were the kind of person who did that.

P1200635
17 december 2010

Oh, and-- yes, I miss my dogs terribly, but it is good for them to be with Dave and Ollie and running at Soliden and good for me, too. (I pick them up Thursday morning).

Bisous, e

9 comments:

  1. Phew! I get a point where I kind of need to read one of your posts :-) and then, to find a post and an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert too!!

    Treasure! Somehow I find your blog works as my little island of calm and beauty. Thank you. And all the very best things in 2012 xoxo

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  2. Thank you for sharing that interview. The last bit made me tear up. That level of self-compassion is so hard to achieve. To accept that the decisions of the past were the best that could be made then, with the information available. I realize I've been trying to learn this lesson for a long time. It's good to hear the message now and then in different ways. Thank you!

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  3. what a beautiful post/share. watched the interview as i painted today - a deep thank you for sharing. buon anno (came here from pixie's)

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  4. have you been to Frenchtown NJ? next time you are near Lambertville, New Hope, NYC or Philly - make the hour plus and go, go, go to Two Buttons (in Frenchtown)....you will not be stalking...really I already did that....for all who adore Liz...................happy 2012............blushingly....beth ;-)

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  5. oh! pearls from you AND elizabeth gilbert, all in one post?! sweet day, you may now begin...

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  6. I also really believe in the power of naps! Pshaw to all those Martha Stewarts who only need four hours of sleep...in my family, we have a name for the long, serious naps - you know, 2 hours plus. My mom's maiden name is Bynum, and apparently all the Bynums are big nappers, so we call epic naps "Bynum naps". And I just L-O-V-E Elizabeth Gilbert. I love her talks and her books. So glad you're getting your rest on and recharging those batteries. Lots of New Year love to you. xoxo

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  7. Oh wow! I kind of want to live in the top photo. Or at least hang it in my studio and stare at it! LOVE!

    And now I need to go watch that interview stat. I too adore Elizabeth Gilbert. And naps.

    Bunny love,
    ~Brandi Marie

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  8. Thank you Elizabeth for the Liz Gilbert "interview". It seemed more like she was sitting in front of her computer than being filmed by a human or speaking to a human; it had that quality of a person almost being by themselves and thinking outloud. I absolutely loved it. I love her intelligent thoughtfulness and her comfort with herself. Like you said, an almost an unselfconscious unkemptness about her apppearance (not slovenly, but quaintly unpolished), which we don't often see in our female peers. So very refreshing. I now have a mad crush on yet another Elizabeth ;^)
    xo kd

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  9. Oh, I love Elizabeth Gilbert! I haven't watched that video yet, right now I am getting caught up with my reading. I have been out doing other things and have missed your words. I will save this video as a reward for later. I hope you had a magical Christmas...xo

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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e