Wednesday, November 28

much with the love, much with the light

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This is what happens when I commit to a series of long weeks where I do as little as possible: everything gets mushy and nothing actually feels right.

My timing is off, my schedule is off, my photos are off, I am off.

Oh, wait-- that was the goal, right? To turn myself off? Well, then-- mission accomplished.

It has been a month characterized by the word meandering and supervised by the Muse of Nonchalance. I would recount all that happened except I can't really remember any of it seeing as I was in some drowsy-headed state between waking and dreaming.

I know that Daisy got some kind of super fun virus that had her puking only on the carpet (or, on my bed --  Hey! Fun with dogs!). Yes, this particular variety of illness prevented her from ever unloading the contents of her stomach on easily cleaned wood floor-- or, you know, outside in the grass.  

I know that I seem incapable of doing anything I think is any good when I am in this mindspace and that blows.

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I know that Henry did the weirdest-ass thing and attacked* a jogger who was running toward me. (*Okay, he didn't actually do anything but charge and bark, but STILL!)

Henry! The hell?

I've had this beast since he was eight-weeks old, which is to say, for ten years and he has never, ever done anything like that and I was bewildered. Thank goodness the jogger was a super nice man (now with a heart condition, no doubt), but I have no idea what happened-- is it because Henry is losing sight in one eye? Because he was between me and the jogger and it was an automatic defensive response?

Either way-- not good.

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What is good: super fun Thanksgiving weekend with this family and new friends coming over to knit, other friends to go out and see silly movies.

Yes, I did forgo the serious choice of seeing Lincoln and insisted we go see a co-ed romp about competing a cappella singers-- (for the record, perfect decision).

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Right now, I am trying to get back on my game as we have some big launches happening at the Squam site in the next two weeks and I have friend coming into town this weekend and I head out to Martha's Vineyard with friends next weekend for some Solstice mojo and long walks on the beach. So, to recap: same bat channel.

Emphasis on 'bat' as I never seem to get quite straight, quite rested, quite tuned up-- but don't you just love how I never seem to lose the belief that my 'perfect state of being' is right around the corner?

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I know, me too--

What I also love?  I love that you come in here to check in on me (okay, so maybe you're just here for the dogs-- I'm good with that--)  Y'all are rock stars and I am sending you much, much with the love and the light for this magical season we are now heading into.

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bisous, e


10 comments:

  1. "don't you just love how I never seem to lose the belief that my 'perfect state of being' is right around the corner?" - YES! In fact that's one of my favorite things about dropping in here, your drowsy fabulist optimism and whimsy...that and the pooches, of course ;).

    Also, completely forgot about the upcoming Solstice. You're inspiring me to do something to mark the occasion (which I have never done before, but now's a good time to start, no?).

    XOXO, J.

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  2. omg...that first photo ?!
    every time i come here to this space..whether you feel like your mojo is on or not...i always feel a certain sense of something...something for which i cannot even find the words...but something.
    xo

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  3. @michelle....yes, that's it exactly...something for which we cannot find the words. that's EXACTLY why I read this space. every day I look to see if there are new words and pics. i am patient, and i wait.......

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  4. you guys fill my heart to the brim! seriously, and then it spills over. . . XOXOXOXXO, e

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  5. This relaxed light filled space is soul- filling and I think you're doing just that. :) I love all of your pictures - the hawk, (guessing, not sure) is stunning and stands out to me in all of it's beauty. And, Henry- I had a dog who was slowly going blind- we tried to get a surgery for him, but learned it was not an operable condition. (He's with my ex now. :() Anyway, he would growl at night b/c he couldn't see and just had difficulty walking in bright light I found. I am so sorry to hear he lunged at and protected you when this is not his norm. Sending my love to you, Henry and Daisy, (can't leave her out ;)). xoxo

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  6. Hmmm, never thought of the idea of "off" being exactly what I needed...
    Beautiful images and wishing you peace and clarity with Henry. xxO

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  7. You are in the space you are meant to be right now. Fuzzy or not. Setting ourselves up with expectations is just that: setting ourselves up. At least that is the message that keeps finding its way back into my world recently. And what exactly is a perfect state of being? Maybe it is the journey.

    Confused about Henry. Sending gentle puppy love your way. That must have been a little scary.

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  8. a) what is WITH the vomit? It claimed Daisy too? Seriously? Whyyyy?
    b) Henry--I've heard of that with older dogs loosing their sight. The other thing is (not to send alarm bells ringing) you might want to do a scan of his noggin--in people sudden irrational behavior can often be the result of tumors etc... :(
    c) Sending you loads + loads of love.

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  9. I agree with Michelle ... a "je ne sais quoi" but perhaps just the sense of light? Light shining in all our spaces including - oh poor mama! - the carpet-with-vomit spaces! 'Tis end of year inward spiral and no sense can be made, it just has to be experienced. I too echo the thought that Henry is feeling "vulnerable" at some level. My dog has become super defensive and while many reasons may be at play, he does have a "condition" that probably has him feeling less than his full self and therefore more on guard because of it. Perhaps his tummy was off as well? Certainly a person coming directly at him or you is a very threatening gesture. Our dogs put up with a lot of rude behavior from us humans (this is what a trainer once told me) and maybe he has had enough. A little Maggie Smith a la Downton Abbey feistiness? Love to you all!

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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e