Providence, April 19, 2012
Yes, I am totally cheating by reaching back in the archives for photos since I have not carried my camera in weeks. Well, that's not entirely true as I have carried it from the living room (where it sat patiently-- hopefully?-- for weeks) back to the studio to shelve it when I finally stopped torturing myself with its baleful glances.
What did I whisper in its ear as I set it back between the box of ephemera and pile of unused sketchbooks? Hang tight, old friend, another couple of weeks and you will be in Paris. Whole days to capture the city of lights in Spring!
There was no response, but I'm pretty sure she heard me.
It was a good reminder for me, too-- as damn! I am going to Paris? For a week? With one of my oldest friends? How did I lose sight of that?
Not sure-- but I think it's because it got planned back in December and then I totally forgot about it. You know how I am-- out of sight, out of mind. But it is on the horizon and I think by the time I am walking those familiar streets and getting my first whiff of diesel exhaust-- I'll be feeling excited.
Right now I am in a much, much quieter state. It feels so good.
Providence, April 19, 2012
Yesterday, I bought a car.
It was the end of an era and I'm still reflecting on how it all went down.
At one point on Tuesday night I was texting with Dave* as I sat in the icky chair that they have at car dealerships.
me: looking at numbers now. so weird. definitely triggers my nerves. but it's time.
dave: awww. Sylvia was a good girl . . .
me: The BEST. It hurts. End of an era.
dave: I think it's time
me: I'm very attached to her emotionally but she's at 148,000 and things are just not sounding great. I could begin the fixes. But something about buying a 2013 feels in alignment but oh talk about sad. I must be the weirdest to be so sentimental about a car.
dave: No don't start fixing it'll never end. This is the time. A new car. a new warranty. security. Not weird at all dear. Like you said, end of an era. That just means there's a NEW era beginning. Embrace it.
me: oh WHAT a fabulous approach dude you are wise my friend hang out a shingle and help folks already
dave: oh you're sweet feel free to call if you need more bolstering. You go girl!
at the beach, April 17, 2012
So, yeah. The car that I bought in 2004 specifically because we were building our dream house at the end of a class 6 road and I needed an SUV. Sylvia (yes, I name my cars--- blame it on Allison) carried me through the journey of building Soliden, experiencing ArtFest, leaving my corporate job, taking art classes, selling paintings, starting Squam, ending a marriage, living on an 1800 acre farm, moving to a new city.
She was there for all of it with the dogs in the back making sure she always smelled like dog.
She was a great car who had been through SO much with me-- oh my god, the 168 inches of snow we survived together (not an exaggeration, 168 inches in winter 2009 it was insane) -- and I felt like I was abandoning her (that's a freebie for all you psychoanalysts out there). But Dave's perspective was just the fresh attitude I needed and boom.
Here I am with a 2013 rig. She is the most gorgeous shade of red so I named her Georgia-- and it does feel like my exterior now reflects my interior. It's a whole new world.
*And for those of you who have a tough time understanding my relationship with Dave, my ex-husband, I think this gives you a glimpse of how we continue to support each other. (Yes, sometimes I am the one helping him re-frame a situation that is stressful). What can I say?
If there is one thing that I am most proud of in this world, it is my relationship with Dave. I am inordinately proud of both of us. People have said to each of us at different times, "the hell?" and then launch into the most vitriolic stream of experiences with the person they were once married to.
Somehow, that was more normal. You loved someone, married them, divorced them and then hated their guts. I don't know-- that just doesn't make sense to me.
I love Dave. I will always love Dave. It was our marriage that ended. How can you go from loving someone to hating them? I don't think I will ever understand that. I will always care that he is well, that he is happy. I will always be a friend to him should he need a friend. I honestly cannot imagine it any other way. And the fact that he knows me better than anyone walking this planet and loves me to my core keeps me standing on days when I am being hit by relationship storms that are not grounded in the same kind of honesty and unconditional love.
We left the marriage but carried out the friendship-- it's a beautiful thing. I have thought to write our story for the Modern Love column that The New York Times runs. (I'm not saying they would take it, I'm just saying I've thought to write it).
The first line would be "three months after our divorce my husband registered for Match.com and I created a vision board . ." or something like that.
Man. How the hell did I get here? Relationships. Cars. Is this just an American thing-- the role our cars play in our lives? Or is this just me? Did you ever get sentimental about a vehicle?
P.S. right now it smells SOooooo good. I am taking bets on how long that's gonna last.