Thursday, June 27

let's be honest

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Henry looks like he is having fun, but the truth is his paws are so cut and sore and raw that he and I did not go back to the beach for a last walk this morning.

(I tweaked my lower back going a bit too deep into an upward facing dog Tuesday night so we are both feeling old and broken, alas).

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Aquinnah is even more beautiful than I remembered.   If you ever want to test the theory that there really is no such thing as time-- head to the beach.  Hours slip off the edge of the bed.  Mornings are whole seasons unto themselves.  Days feel like a month of weekends.

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To drop into a full experience of 'beingness' both thoughts and feelings must be left behind.  Hmmm, is that true?  Not sure-- I'd have to analyze that statement which would require me to engage my brain which has been shoved to the back of the bottom refrigerator drawer to get soft with a bunch of kale, cabbage and mesclun greens.

Instead, I am being with the beach --where waves are both crashing and extending steady calm.

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Eleven days since I was last in here -- enjoying the contrast from then (working overtime) to now (exploring what it feels like to live inside of a marshmellow) --- but mixed in between those two extremes is the ongoing conversation between the two halves of my brain: 

I am not enough, I don't do enough, are you ever going to have your shit together?  
vs
  my life is amazing, I am beyond grateful, everything is perfect in this moment

And you thought schizophrenia was just for kids . .

THIS is why there are dogs in the world -- for people like me who need to be get down to what is real:  rolling in the grass, running on the beach, treats and belly rubs.

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Oh, and did I mention that I'm dating*?  EEeeeeeeep.  I know, right?-- because that's not going to have any wild roller coaster effects on my thoughts or emotions-- of course not.

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bisous, e

*um, cause no getting around that one if I'm gonna get honest with you now,  is there?

24 comments:

  1. !!!!

    Way to sneak in that little tidbit, missy!

    Glad you had such a restorative time at the sea (minus the tweaks and sore paws). Loved seeing your photos real time over on IG.

    But, let's be honest (ha), what I REALLY want to see/read is more about this dating situation ;).

    XOXO

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    1. ha ha!! people LOVE a romance .. . that is for sure. well, to be clear-- am dating, that's all (great guy, btw). if it develops into anything more, no doubt I will be sharing it . . xoxo

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  2. Sending you and your pup healing light...

    Oh my, I have that some conversation with myself multiple times a day!! (Am I enough, am I doing enough vs All is wonderfully awesome and as it should be). I was just posting on Vivienne's blog about this exact same thing... Stupid gremlins! I'm working to stay in the wonderfully awesome zone. :)

    Whoo Hoo baby for dating!! You're an amazing woman and someone would be blessed to enjoy time with you!

    xxO

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    1. hello my lovely Gerri-- what is WITH us and that thought loop-- maybe you and me will get it gone once and for all next October? *fingers crossed* I am so done with it . . grrrr.

      and THANK you for the props-- I love that you see me as amazing and it's key that I feel that, too! thanks for the support! xoox, e

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  3. Henry looks like Ed Begley Jr.

    (& please have tons of fun with the new fella.)

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    1. ha ha! Ed Begley Jr-- he has been compared to quite a few others-- scooby doo and Sean Connery-- but never EBJ -- funny!

      and thanks--- the new fella is fun! xoox, e

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  4. The beach looks fabulous. Like proper summer. Wishing you light and goodness in your new adventure :) xo fiona. Oh, and yes, that conversation. Playing on repeat around here.

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    1. ohhh THANK you Fiona---- all your good wishes have been received in full measure--- and boo on that conversation-- let's you and I BOTH let it go!! yes? yes! xoox, e

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  5. oh my, all of this washing over me, like those waves on your beach.
    i know the tweaked lower back, the schizophrenia, the dogs, the question of beingness..
    .
    so happy to know you had this restorative time.
    take care of that back of yours, and henry's paws. and enjoy the dating ;)

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    1. oh girl, I KNOW you do-=--- good news on the back is I have found FABULOUS healers here in Providence and am feeling HEALED! whoo-- wish I could say the same for poor Henry, alas. xoxo, e

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  6. Those photos took my breath away. Beautiful. I am sorry about the paws (poor Henry! Kisses to him!) and the back...back pain is the worst. But it looks like an amazing time was had by all. And DATING?! "EEeeeeeeep" is exactly right! Yay! xo

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    1. helllooooo Megsie!!! oh THANK you for the love on my photos .. . so glad you enjoy them! and Henry is breaking my heart-- he really is-- the aging, the physical discomforts-- so hard for me. and I know, RIGHT? eeeeep, indeed! xox,e

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  7. "Hours slip off the edge of the bed..." I *love* that imagery! I'm glad you got the chance to get away to restore yourself. I was a bit worried about you at Squam. :-) Take good care of yourself and Henry (and Daisy, but she doesn't look like she's quite the fragile flower that Henry is). Much love~~T.

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    1. ummmmm THANK you Teri!!! love that you love it. Did I look bad at Squam? really? oh dear---- hope YOU are well. I felt for you with that awful migraine and trust you have been free and clear of that since. . xoox, e

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  8. This post! As if if the stunning photos weren't enough that's a wonderful piece of news too, have fun!

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    1. hee hee! thanks! had to share a bit so you know where I'm at .. . xoxo, e

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  9. Glad to hear you are dating, being open to love is wonderful. I have a hard time with it, so let me know how it's going for you. I go back and forth with it, sigh...

    These photos of the beach are delicious!! And, I hope you and sweet Henry heal well. xoxo

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    1. it IS hard! why is that? hmmm? not sure-- but am working on it-- thanks for sharing your perspective, too and keeping my fingers crossed for you that it finds you and brings you loads of healing energies .. . xoox, e

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  10. I've been having the same discussions going through my head on a constant basis lately. So happy for your news and that you got a chance to get away and center yourself!

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    1. thank you Christina!!! thank you-- yes, god, a couple of days of rest can do miracles-- it is so true. xoxoxo, e

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  11. This could very well be the best blog post ever. Hysterical. True. Beautiful in every way. Your thoughts on time at the beach should be a quote that goes down in history.

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    1. awwww, Nicole!!!! you are WAY too sweet-- thank you so much! sending big love, e

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  12. can't wait to hear more and to hear if it matches up with that dream man you told mom and I about last year!! :D

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    1. email me, girlfriend-- we gots to talk!! xoxo, e

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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e