Wednesday, October 30

book ends

fields-of-gold

I would make some mention of how this beautiful month has a post to start and one to end with nothing but a whole lotta sacred space in between except Kat Sweeney would drive down here and bop me on the head*, so I won't.

Instead, I'll just say-- hey!  It's been a while.  How've you been?

Things here in Camp Idlewild have been both calm and big.  Calm:  I was really sick for a couple of weeks and my body basically benched me from playing in the game of life.  Big:  that was just one layer of some huge healing and change that has been going on for me and I don't even know where to begin sharing.  I'm thinking a lizardek list might be the most effective way to download my thoughts.

1.  Daisy has been terribly depressed.  I realized at some point that from the time she was six weeks old until the day we buried Henry, she had never spent any time without him next to her.  She just didn't know a world without him-- and she is pretty blue about it.  The only thing that picks her up is to see people and dogs.  I do my best to get her out and about but it can be hit or miss with socializing so I finally signed her up for some dog excursions.  She went on her first one on Monday and they sent me a video-- she was having so much fun!  A total party girl.  Of course, once she got home, she dropped back into her gloomy gus state--- but I have hope that regular outings with this crew will help her find her mojo again.

prettydaisyredtree
windowlightdaisychair

2.  The retreat in the UK was so big for me.  Huge.  We did some serious ass magic on the New Moon and people, I don't know if the universal radio channel around Glastonbury is so much stronger or what, but damn.  I am truly on new ground physically, emotionally and mentally and it feels heavenly.  So powerful.  My word for 2013 was "home" and that has been really positive for me-- but during the weekend another word surfaced. 

It is not in the least bit glamorous or sexy, but here it is:  AGENCY.

That is the word for me right now.  Not looking to anyone else for direction.  Standing in quiet confidence with a direct line to all the information I need.  So clear about me --
who I am
where I have been
where I am going
and this might sound serious but ALL of this has rolled in with so much light and joy and silliness.  The group of women I was with were so grounded.  So true.  So open and radiant.  Nothing heavy.

Of course, all the same stuff comes up for me as it does for each of us--- fears, insecurities, negative thoughts-- the difference is how I experience it.  It all just passes.  Nothing sticks.  Nothing lingers.  I watch it all go by like wind pushing leaves down the street.  And then?  Clear streets ahead.


3.  The health thing was a FINAL resolution to what had been dogging me for so. freaking. long-- arrrgh. (including wrong diagnosis).  It is over.  What I had was SIBO -- yes, it came on while I was living at the farm, but it wasn't caused by anything external from farm life--- it actually is created internally from . . wait for it, stress.  Yep.  And the bacteria feed on SUGAR .. . so, 17 days ago I removed every bit of grain, sugar, dairy from my food intake and holy god--- I can't even begin to tell you the difference.  Basically, I am eating Paleo-- proteins and veggies ...  that alone has changed my life and has me singing from the rooftops.


4.  I miss Henry.  Nothing to be done about that.


waterheartroad-ahead

5.  Some new Squam stuff bubbling behind the scenes --- cannot wait to share that with you.

6.  My summer romance has ended.  It was beautiful in every way and I could not feel more proud of how the whole thing went.  A gorgeous life experience.  It seems that I am starting to truly enjoy traveling on the relationship path.  Could it be that I might not finish this lifetime as a monk?  Hmm . . . . . .  stay tuned.

7.  In yet another moment of synchronicity, last week Flora came through town for a visit and while she was here she gave me feedback on the painting I began at this time last year that got as far as it could last April and then was waiting for its final flourish, though I didn't know what it needed.  Two minutes with her and boom-- I was off to the closet to dig out the paints and I finished it one year later.  More closure.  More truth lifting up.  (And yes, I get it-- I just wrote above how I am all about listening to my own intuition and not seeking external guidance-- so gotta add a codicil on that for unfinished paintings that can receive input from Flora Bowley-- dude, that's like getting rocket boosters under your feet!)

8.  I read The Signature of All Things and?  Meh.  Weirdly, in the first quarter of the book it was all I could do not to jump on every social media platform and shout "READ THIS NOW! it's so good!" And then?  She lost me.  Not even half way through and the wrinkles were forming across my brow and I was having more and more trouble hanging in there.  I did finish it, sort of.  I have more to say about it-- but first, just wondering-- have any of you read it?  Did you like it?  Lizzie loved it--- but me?  Not so much.

9.  I'd like to go on the record that November is not my favorite 30 days of the year and yet, YET, I believe in the power of magic -- so here's to a beautiful 11th month!

10.  NEW moon + Solar Eclipse on November 3rd!!  If y'all wanna get some magic on, I'm just sayin' . . .

flying-geese
 
bisous, e
 
*she hates when I make any reference to how long I can go between posts-- it fatigues her with its very boring-ness.

24 comments:

  1. i miss henry too. perhaps daisy needs a little sister or brother to help mend her broken heart. she'd make an excellent big sister. xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh YES-- I am counting the days--- it's just right now it isn't the right time for me, and I feel that she needs all the attention I can give her and a puppy would take me away from her. . . but soonest for sure-- perhaps within 3-4 months. .. . love you!! xo, e

      Delete
  2. I love me a Lizardek List...and I am so happy to be all up to date now. I have been missing you! I am so happy that October has been good for you, and I hope November behaves. Please kiss Daisy's sweet face for me. I feel so bad for you two. Sending you LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kisses received and sending back to you!!! can you believe I am actually contemplating diving into NaBloMo? I might just freaking try!!!

      Delete
    2. OH! YAY! It is so hard for me to do (I did it in July) but it really shifts the way I see my life. I NOTICE more, I pay attention. It is great! I think it might be easier for you because you are a real-ass writer. Man. Sitting and fighting with the curser was the NORM for me. I hope you give it a shot! xoxo

      Delete
  3. Hello! Loving your list - I am so happy reading it! (ANd intriged by SIBO - never heard of it and it just might be the thing...

    and TOTALLY on the book. I loved it to begin with and the moment I finished it went in the to sell pile. Disappointed!

    And agency - YES! I saw it happen and I heard you say it and it fits you so perfectly. LOVE.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow-- I feel so connected to you that you had the same experience!! I did the same thing-- tossed to the backseat of my car awaiting a hand off to someone who wants it-- so weird---- would be worth a discussion as it intrigues me WHY she lost me .. big love to you sweetest . . . xoox, e

      Delete
  4. Sending you & Daisy extra, extra love!!
    I'll will be ritual-ing & ceremony-ing on the 3rd ;)
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Poor Daisy. And why is agency not glamorous or sexy? I see such power and owning of your own self around it. I think it's a contender for 2014 for me. (I chose "enrich" for 2013 and such riches have flown my way, including spending time with your beautiful self.) xo.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh how could November be anything but awesome this year?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hee hee!! from your lips to God's ears ... .yes, please!!!

      Delete
  7. i rather liked this book end :) love you and your spirit...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oooo, I love lists and this is a particularly good one—love how you're so positive and joyous, even in the face of heavy things. Big hug to you and Daisy—hope the next few months of winter will be a good hibernating, snuggling, cuddling, healing time for you both. XOXO, J.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh yes yes yes--- hibernating---- that is the image I needed! oxxo

      Delete
  9. And of course I go to your post from April about a painting and what do I see? the same photo of Henry I've been seeing since he split. Sweet Daisy, she'll be okay, grieving just takes time. I know how long it can take in human years, poor pooches, I wonder how long it takes in their years? Perhaps we are lucky we are sometimes limited by our six senses. One more thing for me to ponder. Glad you are back here -- I did miss you. XO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ohhhh !!! that makes me feel so good -- to be missed! thank you, sweet Patricia!! xoox

      Delete
  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poor Daisy. :( Her last photo on the bottom right just looks so very sad. I'm so sorry for you and for her still. Henry is missed. :(

    I hope you are feeling so much better physically now... sounds like it was perfectly awful.

    Despite these things- I am optimistic about November too!! xo

    ReplyDelete

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e