I would make some mention of how this beautiful month has a post to start and one to end with nothing but a whole lotta sacred space in between except Kat Sweeney would drive down here and bop me on the head*, so I won't.
Instead, I'll just say-- hey! It's been a while. How've you been?
Things here in Camp Idlewild have been both calm and big. Calm: I was really sick for a couple of weeks and my body basically benched me from playing in the game of life. Big: that was just one layer of some huge healing and change that has been going on for me and I don't even know where to begin sharing. I'm thinking a lizardek list might be the most effective way to download my thoughts.
1. Daisy has been terribly depressed. I realized at some point that from the time she was six weeks old until the day we buried Henry, she had never spent any time without him next to her. She just didn't know a world without him-- and she is pretty blue about it. The only thing that picks her up is to see people and dogs. I do my best to get her out and about but it can be hit or miss with socializing so I finally signed her up for some dog excursions. She went on her first one on Monday and they sent me a video-- she was having so much fun! A total party girl. Of course, once she got home, she dropped back into her gloomy gus state--- but I have hope that regular outings with this crew will help her find her mojo again.
2. The retreat in the UK was so big for me. Huge. We did some serious ass magic on the New Moon and people, I don't know if the universal radio channel around Glastonbury is so much stronger or what, but damn. I am truly on new ground physically, emotionally and mentally and it feels heavenly. So powerful. My word for 2013 was "home" and that has been really positive for me-- but during the weekend another word surfaced.
It is not in the least bit glamorous or sexy, but here it is: AGENCY.
That is the word for me right now. Not looking to anyone else for direction. Standing in quiet confidence with a direct line to all the information I need. So clear about me --
who I am
where I have been
where I am going
and this might sound serious but ALL of this has rolled in with so much light and joy and silliness. The group of women I was with were so grounded. So true. So open and radiant. Nothing heavy.
Of course, all the same stuff comes up for me as it does for each of us--- fears, insecurities, negative thoughts-- the difference is how I experience it. It all just passes. Nothing sticks. Nothing lingers. I watch it all go by like wind pushing leaves down the street. And then? Clear streets ahead.
3. The health thing was a FINAL resolution to what had been dogging me for so. freaking. long-- arrrgh. (including wrong diagnosis). It is over. What I had was SIBO -- yes, it came on while I was living at the farm, but it wasn't caused by anything external from farm life--- it actually is created internally from . . wait for it, stress. Yep. And the bacteria feed on SUGAR .. . so, 17 days ago I removed every bit of grain, sugar, dairy from my food intake and holy god--- I can't even begin to tell you the difference. Basically, I am eating Paleo-- proteins and veggies ... that alone has changed my life and has me singing from the rooftops.
4. I miss Henry. Nothing to be done about that.
5. Some new Squam stuff bubbling behind the scenes --- cannot wait to share that with you.
6. My summer romance has ended. It was beautiful in every way and I could not feel more proud of how the whole thing went. A gorgeous life experience. It seems that I am starting to truly enjoy traveling on the relationship path. Could it be that I might not finish this lifetime as a monk? Hmm . . . . . . stay tuned.
7. In yet another moment of synchronicity, last week Flora came through town for a visit and while she was here she gave me feedback on the painting I began at this time last year that got as far as it could last April and then was waiting for its final flourish, though I didn't know what it needed. Two minutes with her and boom-- I was off to the closet to dig out the paints and I finished it one year later. More closure. More truth lifting up. (And yes, I get it-- I just wrote above how I am all about listening to my own intuition and not seeking external guidance-- so gotta add a codicil on that for unfinished paintings that can receive input from Flora Bowley-- dude, that's like getting rocket boosters under your feet!)
8. I read The Signature of All Things and? Meh. Weirdly, in the first quarter of the book it was all I could do not to jump on every social media platform and shout "READ THIS NOW! it's so good!" And then? She lost me. Not even half way through and the wrinkles were forming across my brow and I was having more and more trouble hanging in there. I did finish it, sort of. I have more to say about it-- but first, just wondering-- have any of you read it? Did you like it? Lizzie loved it--- but me? Not so much.
9. I'd like to go on the record that November is not my favorite 30 days of the year and yet, YET, I believe in the power of magic -- so here's to a beautiful 11th month!
10. NEW moon + Solar Eclipse on November 3rd!! If y'all wanna get some magic on, I'm just sayin' . . .
*she hates when I make any reference to how long I can go between posts-- it fatigues her with its very boring-ness.