Thursday, December 12

on the twelfth day . . .

pondweeds

Does anyone else ever stumble over the word twelfth?  TWELFTH.

I don't know what it is about that word, but if I say it over and over it gets weirder and weirder to me.  Is it because there is an "elf" in the middle of it?  Is it the combo of twel followed by FTH . . that mucks it up?

Anyway, moving on . . it's not like I don't like the word, I do.  It just always makes me stumble, somehow.  Although it must be said, for anyone playing along at home, I am 12 for 12 on my goal of yoga every day in December.

Rip that cracker and let the confetti fly!

lightweedslightweeds2pondweeds2

I don't know about you, but that pretty much sums up my relationship to the holiday season.  Wonderful and weird.  Festive yet solitary. Enchanting and ordinary. 

There is no shortage of opposites for me in this blue white month.

Sometimes I wish I could hand out permission slips to people I see struggling, or whisper in their ear, "it's okay to feel sadness at the holidays."  Of course how creepy would THAT be?!

HA.  Can you imagine?  You are standing at the bus stop, minding your own damn business, staring at the snow on your boots and feeling a bit blue when some STRANGE woman with two mouth-breathing dogs leans in and whispers in your ear.  Ugh.  So creepy.

That's probably why I haven't acted on my impulse -- but what else is a blog for except to talk about the crazy sh*t I will never do, hmm?

redberrieswoodsolliedaisywoodsolliedaisywoods2

I don't know if I have mentioned this but it hasn't been all peaches and cream with Daisy and Oliver. They are still finding their way into this new living situation and processing a host of feelings and dog stuff I don't understand.  It's improving in that excruciating rhythm of two steps forward one step back.  I'm keeping focused on the fact that we are trending up.  It might be a whole twelve months (there's that number again!) before Oliver trusts that he is not just visiting and Daisy has got her groove back.

*fingers crossed* it doesn't take a whole year, but I am a long-distance runner by nature so it is easier for me to put out a goal that feels attainable if we keep our eyes on the prize and keep moving toward it.

daisysunshinesnowyfield

In other news, winter is here.

B to the R R R R!

orangetrees

bisous, e

18 comments:

  1. I love the anticipation of the holidays, but when the day(s) arrives, blah, blah, that's how I usually feel. I don't ever try to figure out why, it just is, and I've accepted my feelings lovingly. So Oliver is somewhat a permanent residence of Providence? I didn't know that but hope he and Daisy, and you, find your groove.

    Photos 2/3/5/and 11 WOW. The light/reflection A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!

    Bridgemor

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    1. oh yay! love knowing which photos speak to you-- and yes, we will find our groove-- change and loss is hard-- grief is a circle . . but it's getting better day by day xo, e

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  2. I am still denying the whole holiday thing. Not until next week, after grades are posted! I hope Daisy and Oli get their groove back soon. What kind of weird dog stuff are they doing?

    Good for you and your perfect score for yoga! Woot!

    And, I am totally with Bridgemor...photos = Amazing.

    xoxoxoooooxxxxxxx

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    1. ha ha I LOVE denial! my favorite channel!!! xoxoxo, e

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  3. The photos! OMG those photos! Perfect depiction of confetti flying in those two right under that sentence. Are the dogs trying to figure out who is the alpha? Don't they know it's YOU? :D Poor pups! I can understand why Ollie is unsure of his footing...I hope everything relaxes sooner than later. SUPER XO

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    1. yes, it makes TOTAL sense poor doggy, he has had a whupass of emotional loss-- we are healing him day by day and I only WISH they thought I was alpha. . hahahaha

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  4. i'm one of those who gets sad and melodramatic during the xmas holidays. i say whisper that to someone you think needs it... i know it'd make me smile knowing i wasn't the only one. xo

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    1. oh honey, you are SO not the only one-- I have talked to at least a dozen people in the past 10 days who all feel different aspects of sadness during the holidays-- I think it is NORMAL, I think it is the balance to JOY-- yin yang and all that-- I just think it is unfortunate that people feel badly that they "shouldn't" feel sad and if they only knew most people get those twinges to one degree or another for a whole host of reasons . . . it's all okay-- I am whispering to you now.. it is ALL okay-- put the sorrow into your painting-- paint will transform it to gold. xooxo, e

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  5. I always mix up eleven and twelve - something didn't stick in childhood there. Sending doggy harmony vibes. xoxo.

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    1. ha ha! I like that -- mixing up 11 and twelve . . . xooxo, e

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  6. I would pay good money* to see you spread your holiday advice far and wide. I can just imagine the faces of the strangers..

    *What is the difference between "good" and "bad" money? Never understood that phrase.

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    1. ha ha-- no difference at all! MONEY is simply a representation of ENERGY. it is the person using the money who puts THEIR energy on it. If you have a mentality that there is "never enough" then every time you spend money or look at the price of something it feels tight, lacking, grinding. If you have the mentality that there's "always MORE than enough" you pay your bills with joy (<--! I know, right do you want to shoot me now, or what?) your energy is flowing so when you spend money it is with ease and comfort. This is not to say that flowing is equivalent to frivolous. For myself, I have a very deep sense of comfort and abundance but rarely buy anything. I love to repurpose old found pieces and am simply not very capitalist by nature, rather Yankee (bad American, I know) -- but when I spend money it's with ease and grace and joy and I almost never pay attention to what something costs-- I honestly don't know the cost of things half the time. Now you may proceed to throw tomatoes at me.

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  7. Deep grief and sadness here, too. But I would smile broadly if you and two large dogs came along side and whispered your greeting and affirmation...you are right, I believe. It would be an honest greeting , don't you think? There are many of us sad ones and being told it is OK would be simply a relief. I love your images...and your words. Thank you for sharing them.

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    1. oh Carol, I am so sorry for the grief and sadness you are experiencing now. And yes. Definitely. Just as the holidays can accentuate joy, they can also accentuate sorrow. You are okay and this is only one Christmas out of many ahead for you---- being with what it IS versus fighting it and expecting it to be something else makes the pain worse. Simply accepting it-- there may be a softening where smaller moments of joy with your grandchildren or lights in the window or the taste of a perfect cake can slip in and be enjoyed. I wish that for you!! xoxo,e

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  8. Twelfth feels like a stumbly word for sure. And, I get the whole "it's okay to feel sadness at the holidays" feeling. I think you just whispered that into my ear, so thank you. I've been exceptionally angsty and moody with the holidays lately and I want to be over it. And, then I want to cry and then I want to marvel in joy at the good in the world- it's a mess!! Xoxo- thanks for making me feel not alone with this. :)

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    1. yes yes yes-- am so with you-- you are NEVER alone!!!! oxoxox e

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  9. I rather like the idea of letting people know that it's okay to feel sadness at this time of year; so many people expect the holidays to be this time of infinite joy and merriment, but then soddy it all with petty religious fights and consumerist battles and I find it really, really difficult to be all rainbows and sunshine during winter because of it (and because of seasonal affective disorder, too, but thats another story.) I like the idea of reminding people that their sadness during this time of year is just as valid as their joy, that this month is no more special than any other month... really, when you think about it, isn't every day we're alive a holiday? Shouldn't we face each day with the idea of celebration, because we're alive and because we have a lot to be grateful for? When I hear people complain about not scoring a Black Friday deal or when they get angry at me because my bookstore does not carry the book they want to give as a present (angry, like actually angry, as though it is my fault a used bookstore does not have that book!!), it makes me feel hopeless. It's greedy and it gets me down and then I feel bad for feeling bad... a reminder that I don't have to is lovely. It makes things better. I'm sorry for rambling, just, thank you.

    And your yoga every day goal is wonderful! It's inspiring, really. I might try it, myself, next month.

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    1. oh I LOVE me some heartfelt rambling!! :) Dayna thank you so much for sharing-- I feel the same way and am sending you energy and light that TODAY feels good, lighter, more FUN, with more ease---- xoxoxo, e

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thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e