out my brother's window
It is so easy in this world to get lost in the illusions. With each generation, the evolution of technology and the dizzying heights of marketing spin, the masters of smoke and mirror get more clever, more adept at dazzling us with their refracted light.
If we are not grounded in our truth, in our connection to light -- it can be so easy to be deceived by Honest John and Gideon. In fact, Pinnochio was my go-to personal myth for so long. I felt like that wooden dummy who just wanted to be real and had to go through some rough times to learn how to "be brave, truthful and unselfish and able to tell right from wrong by listening to my conscience". And by conscience, I mean -- my intuition.
Last year my friend Kat, she of the always thoughtful gifts, gave me a most gorgeous illustrated, hard-cover copy of this book as she knew how much I saw this story as a fable about soul growth.
where I am calling from
This morning I am at my brother's house outside Philadelphia and the story came back into view once more. I am free of Honest John and Gideon. Ashamed to be duped by them, for sure, but also grateful for how they taught me to grow up and pay attention to my intuition which has never failed to be a clarion call to the good red road-- whether or not I was always able to hear it.
I've said this before and I will likely say it many times before I'm gone-- life is hard. It is hard because all of us want to do well, live well, be well-- but we are here to grow and learn and sometimes those lessons take us right to the edge of pain and sorrow-- they take us right to the cliffs where we look back and say OH, how could I have been such a fool, why didn't I know then what I know now? And this, this is where the true shift happens.
If we stay in that looking back place, we are in hell-- the agony of regret.
The key is to accept all of it as exactly what you needed to be. here. now. In this place now, free, open-hearted, wiser with oceans of compassion for anyone traveling through those dark places.
Yesterday I was out with my dad who is in rehab after some terrible weeks in the hospital. It was his 87th birthday. He was in good spirits and I got him laughing hard. Last night, as my "little" brother and I were driving to and from all the family gatherings, we had the radio blasting The Pretenders, The Clash, Talking Heads and Blondie --- all music from the time we lived in Cambridge and had wild dance parties --- memories poured forth, but we were also having a moment, right then, that will stay with me forever.
This morning I sat with my nephews -- I can be totally partial and tell you they are the most f*cking adorable kids ever--- sitting on my lap, feeding me cheerios, reading Asterix, making up secret codes only we know, and teaching me to dance to "What the Fox Says."
What this fox knows is: it's all okay. Whatever you are going through, however you have been hurt or misunderstood, robbed, betrayed, lost, sick, broken -- whatever you are going through--- that's what you have to remember. You are GOING THROUGH it.
You will come out the other side. There is meaning to it all. And you will experience more light, more joy -- more peace and ease in your heart.