Wednesday, December 9

if I'm so early why am I running so late?

plum island, 4 december 2015

Things are flipping around over here. Not in any aggressive or scary change way. In a smaller, deeper like holy-sh-t-my-DNA-is-being-rewritten-each-night and-I'm-waking-up-not-knowing-who-I-am kind of way. You know, nothing weird or anything.

But seriously - weird.


Exhibit A, this morning, for the second time in less than a week -- I get up as per normal around 5:30 am -- come downstairs, take the dogs outside, come back in and drink hot water with lemon and fresh ginger (note: not coffee = first sign something is off), read or meditate for an hour and then . . around 7 am ish I think, oh, I just want to sleep another half hour. 


I go upstairs and then boom. Hello, 9 am.

And the thing is, I am like dropping into the deadest of dead sleeps. 


This is not normal. I am now behind on all my projects and, normally, I hate that sense of being late but now? I don't care at all. 


It's weird. It's like someone has taken Elizabeth and left me with some other person in my body-- I just don't know who this is. She seems nice enough, but damn, she's slow.


Some kind of sea turtle has entered my body--- no rush, super flowing and easy -- and yet, steadily covering hundreds of miles. By which I mean, I am still getting everything done, just not as I usually do and it's got me all spun around.


HA!  Hand to god, as I am typing to you-- I had JUST typed that sentence and my random holiday Pandora station began playing "What Child Is This?"


Ha. Exactly. What child IS this?


In direct contrast to the ways I am behind, I can't help but be confused in all the ways I am way early: we launched Squam 2016 a month ahead of normal; my word of the year just showed up - something that either never shows up or rolls in well after the New Year.

It's confusing.

So what's my word? You might think it was MAGIC seeing as last Friday I was at Mindy's for her lovely creative brunch and magic was crawling up me like a needy toddler.


Exhibit B: above. By the time we arrived, most of the seats had been filled so I randomly sat where my place setting read, "you are magic" -- lovely, right?

An hour later, Ana put the sweetest shell into my hand that she had painted for me. You can't see from the photo above but it reads "magic maker" and has fine white glitter wound into its spiral.

Then, as we were all wrapping up to go-- there was a holiday swap where everyone had brought something handmade. I was the last one to choose (see my emphasis on how this was not in any way in my control) et voila, what was waiting for me but the painting in the photo above: MAGIC, with a card attached that read, "always remember your magic"

Sheesh.

You would think THAT would be my word then, right?

Nope. I had been thinking it would be MAVEN since that popped up for me recently-- I am part of Mindy's Air Coven and below is what resulted from my archetype exploration.


Nope, it's not MAVEN.

I have been focusing a lot on where I've been and where I am heading as middle-aged people are wont to do.


There is data that I have done well in supporting, encouraging and inspiring many women to step into their power and reconnect with their core energies.

It's time for me to offer myself that same focus, that same encouragement, that same loving support.

All of which means there is a gonna be a whole lot of writing in my future with nominal presence here online. My need to go within is going to get priority for the year ahead.

I know, right!? Selfish wench!

Can you believe I found this bit of driftwood that is EXACTLY like a peace pipe?
As I gained clarity about what the year ahead holds for me, the word to ground my intention surfaced:
REVERENCE

Again with the weird, right? Not a word I use. Not a word that is often in my thoughts. 
A word that sort of eeks me out for its religious overtones.

But there it is. Reverence.

With Mary Oliver as my spirit guide, she the Queen of Small Moments Made Holy, I am ready to take my explorations of the beauty in my daily life to a whole new level.

The Sweetness of Dogs (Fifteen)
by Mary Oliver

What do you say, Percy? I am thinking
of sitting out on the sand to watch
the moon rise. Full tonight.
So we go

and the moon rises, so beautiful it
makes me shudder, makes me think about
time and space, makes me take
measure of myself: one iota
pondering heaven. Thus we sit,

I thinking how grateful I am for the moon's
perfect beauty and also, oh! how rich
it is to love the world. Percy, meanwhile,
leans against me and gazes up into 
my face. As though I were
his perfect moon.

so mote it be, xo

bisous, Elizabeth




6 comments:

  1. such a good word! and I am so so thrilled about your Maven MAGIC!!!! xoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
  2. That just FITS. Like the last puzzle piece in the space in the middle. *click* And, I really love that word. It is heavy, but like a heavy blanket that gives comfort as it settles in around you in a warm embrace. Sending love straight through the screen to you...xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you-- I like it feeling heavy like a blanket-- soft, comforting, embrace--- !! XOXO

      Delete
  3. "It's time for me to offer myself that same focus, that same encouragement, that same loving support." LOVE IT. Sometimes, you just need to be selfish and take care of you and yours first. I think the idea of selfishness can get such a bad rep, when really it just means turning in and focusing on your own needs. Oh, it can go to a dark place, as most things can. But you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

    My word for 2015 was Transformation, and honestly only like two seemingly small parts of my life transformed. I spend most of the year doing what you said above: going within, removing things from my life that allowed me the time to go within and take care of my spirit first. At first I was really disappointed that I intended so much (outward) progress for 2015 and felt like a total failure that none of the things I wanted to happen actually DID happen. That said, the transformation that did happen was internal. Small on the surface, but profound. And I think the year ahead holds a lot of promise for the outward changes I was hoping for in 2015. Especially since I'm staring a new job in a few weeks So hey, maybe Transformation is STILL my word. Who knows.

    As far as feeling like you've been invaded by someone you're not familiar with, there must be something up with the cosmos. I've been SO busy since Thanksgiving, but I feel like I'm moving at a snail's pace, and I don't even care. That's pretty uncharacteristic for me. Several others I knwo have mentioned something similar. Maybe it's just the peace of knowing we'll soon be letting one year slip away, while inviting in the new one. Sortof like a mini hibernation. That's what I keep telling myself anyway...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Maybe it's just the peace of knowing we'll soon be letting one year slip away, while inviting in the new one." ooooh I LIKE that so much! XOXOOXOX

      Delete

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me-- I love that you stopped by and hope something I shared was what you needed today. xo, e